The opposite of productivity isn't laziness, at least not with me. It's over-crowdedness. And not in some cool I've got so many ideas way.
Just crowded like the London trains during rush hour. You're crammed in tight, and you have to put up with it if you're gonna get through the journey to the other side.
The brain is cluttered, in part with ideas, but a huge part of the clutter is just bullshit. Noise. Like I'll obsess over an email from three days ago but then I realise I can't even remember what the email was, I'm just fixating on a figment.
You don't sleep because you feel like you should be somewhere. And you don't stop looking around cause you feel like there's someone you're meant to know who you haven't met yet. The problem with being over-crowded is that you just don't get anywhere.
So you clutter up on de-cluttering techniques and meditation and whatever makes you feel good about yourself. But with me it's not even specific clutter, it's just my brain running around a bit lost like the London Transport System on a weekend when half the trains are being repaired and no-one knows how to get anywhere.
Part of it is that I have lots of ideas. Lots to say. I just don't know what any of it is. Sometimes the brain just wants to force out the junk, it's like selling loads of crap at a yard sale that nobody really wants but someone will pick it up anyway. I guess that's what these recent blog posts are, bullshit that I'm forcing you loyal readers to sit through.
It's relevant, because I've always done my best to blog honestly about creativity. Sometimes I write cheesy 'we can achieve anything' posts and sometimes I write depressive stuff about being blocked. And sometimes I write about being over-crowded. I'm just trying to share a bit of everything. I don't know if it makes sense and I'm not sure if it matters.
Creativity isn't a flowing river. It's not something that arrives every morning. I mean sure, the gurus say it is, but we're human beings and everything ebbs and flows. Over-crowdedness is just where I am on this day. It could mean 'rest', it could mean 'listen to all ideas', it could mean 'write something insane!', it could mean nothing. All I can do is be along for the journey. I'm not looking for advice or your ideas, I'm not suffering, I'm just in the middle of a process and I'm doing my best to describe it.
I'll get back to reviewing shit studio movies soon.