I was thinking about how much of it comes from the heart. How much of it comes from needing to express something.
And how much of it comes from that nagging voice inside that cries "write write write!" like a broken record.
I write an astonishing amount, you have no idea. I am always working on scripts, articles, blogs, short stories, humorous status updates, lengthy email rants, and whatever else comes up. It's a constant. I have a group of friends who receive mini-fictional things from me on a near daily basis. I know it's not my best material, but they're very polite about it.
It's weird because those who know me think I just joyfully whip these pieces out of nowhere, just for fun. But so much of it is anything but.
I am writing this close to midnight. So many of my blogs come not out of creativity, but out of a constant voice in me that yells "write damnit write!". It's a constant pressure that, after years of being tweaked and improved, is able to force pretty good material out of me.
But it's not my best. The best comes when I let go, when I get away from my brain, when I experience new things, when genuinely new and unexpected insight comes.
Of course, this is very rare. I get too caught up in being 'the writer' and forget to live.
More often than not, these days, I have to talk myself out of writing; I write outwardly like I take caffeine inwardly -- it's an addiction. I force it out. So often I'm ten pages into a script or two paragraphs into a blog without even realising I've started them. It's like brushing my teeth, it just happens.
In many ways this helps me succeed as a writer.. I've put the hours of practice in. I got good. I can create material quick.
But pushing too much makes me lose the passion, it zaps the fun out of it, makes it harder to find the innocence and life in my words. Ambition, drive, work-rate, they're all great, but they can be destructive too.
I don't sleep. So much of that is because I think I've wasted the day and not created a masterpiece. So I stay up hatching some plan, which of course turns out to be terrible, because I'm so worn out by my crazy brain which screams "write, write, write" every moment of every second.
It takes discipline to write but it also takes discipline to not write.
I just wanted to share a bit about my crazy writer's issues, I hope you found it interesting.