I don't really care how much the latest superhero film took at the box office, although I'd probably know if you asked me. When I watch a film the main thing I am looking for is a good story. I like it when I look up at the big screen and can see a part of me staring back at me. More than anything, I am still looking for Jimmy Stewart and Jack Lemmon and Billy Wilder in every film I see.
I'm not going to say I loved it. But they made this movie for $14,000 (Less than £9000)! The film has a lot of charm, some moments of great cinematography, and the editing is fantastic. And I'm going to say it again: they made this movie for $14,000. The beginning of the film is great --- a text-message exchange between two people, which instantly gets the audience's interest piqued. After that we see two guys, working in a job they loathe -- it's typical indie film fodder, but it's enjoyable. But then the film loses its energy -- plods along, getting lost in best-friend banter that was so fresh when Kevin Smith did it but now independent movies really need to find a new shtick.
As a director, Rob Grant has achieved something to be proud of. He put together a movie on a tiny budget, and shot in an effective and creative way ---- I just feel that, if the script had been great, this could have been a real winner. But hey, who am I to judge? His movie got into Raindance; so it is a winner. But I guess I'm talking on a bigger scale. What makes a cheap independent film shine? For one, you have to totally NAIL the premise, but here, some things were lost in translation. It was the same with 'Locked in a Garage Band'. In 'Mon Ami', when the film spends too much time in friends-at-work-banter, there's a lull in forward motion which leads to a dip in the attention span. The rest of the film suffers because of it. A general note about independent comedy films in general. Nearly all of them that I've seen this year have had men who work in jobs they loathe, who go about their days with a casual aloofness --- the two characters did it throughout this movie, as did the lead character in 'Locked in a Garage Band', as did a bunch of characters in 'Vinyl' and 'Cinema Six' (all of which I saw at Raindance this week). I feel that we perhaps need to move on and find new indie film heroes, who do something more than casually stroll through movies acting slightly cool and more than a bit above the drama in their lives. In 'Mon Ami', the joke is that they're casually and aloofly strolling through a kidnapping -- and I find it hard to buy into!
Did I tell you Rob Grant made this movie for $14,000? This review is practically irrelevant -- what matters is what he achieved with virtually no money. And despite the film's flaws, there is a lot to celebrate -- and I'm excited to see what he'll do next.
Thank you so much for agreeing to write the feature film "Julie and the Soldier". You are the only writer for the job and the only person we trust to be able to give the project to.
I will now leave you alone to work your magic. I always thought Julie being French would be a nice touch.
Yours,
Derek, Producer.
--
Dear Derek,
Yay! Thank you so much for hiring me. Have been wanting this job so passionately for so long and it's great that I can now do the all important thing: write it.
I'll begin tomorrow, at 9am sharp, after-all the deadline is only four weeks away! Also, Julie can't be French. The film is about an English farm girl who's never been out of England. To make her French would, I fear, confuse the story!
Yours,
Laura
-- Hey Laura,
Totally get where you're coming from. I like it. Definitely think Laura should be English. I guess what I meant was that she could have a French side to her. Something in the attitude.
Also, I didn't know whether to tell you or not. Brad Pitt is interested. Just saying.
Derek
--
Hi Derek,
Great that Brad Pitt is interested. But what is he interested in? A role in the film, or a date with me? If it's a role in the film, do you see him as little Julie, or the soldier? Remember that the soldier is retired, in his nineties, and missing an arm.
If on the other hand you mean Mr Pitt wants a date, let me know with some advance notice so I can shave my legs and send the husband out for groceries :D
Laura T. --
Laura --- find him something. Maybe a quick-witted mailroom guy. Not too comedy. HA.
D.
--
Hi Derek,
Thanks for your email but I must admit I'm a bit baffled. The story is set on a British farm, where Laura and the soldier are cut off from society. What kind of mailroom would this be?
How about if we just trust that I can deliver a story based on the beautiful novel, and we'll go from there once we have a first draft. Is that okay? -Laura
--
Hi Derek,
I know you're very busy, but I'm just checking in. Is it okay to move ahead without the mailroom scene?
Laura. --
Laura,
I'm paying you to write the movie. A mailroom is not realistic. Stick to the world of the story.
Need first draft on Friday. Investors. Don't ask.
Thanks,
Derek Jacowski
-- Derek!!!!
The deadline isn't for two weeks! No way can I write a FEATURE FILM in the next 27 hours. Maybe you were joking?
Laura
--
Laura,
Just come from a meeting with McDonalds. It's a go. Try work it in somehow.
Derek
--
Hi Derek,
Again, lost. Work McDonalds into the script? It's a 1940's story about friendship, set on a distant English farm. You want me to add a drive-thru? And all in the next five hours?
Laura --
Laurahi
had drinks with the studio guys.
Wot color is ur bra.
--
Dear Laura,
I just want to apologise for any messages you got last night. I think someone used my phone. Ignore it. Strange.
Aside from that--- the deadline has passed. I need that first draft. I'm meeting the investors at 3pm. Get the screenplay to me by 2, no excuses.
Yours Sincerely, Derek Jacowski
--
Dear Derek, the Producer
My bra is white, with multi-coloured threading, it looks like a Smarties Mcflurry. You have as much chance of seeing it as you do of me putting McDonalds in a period drama.
The deadline is unrealistic.
Laura T.
--
Dear Laura,
We seem to be having some conflict. Conflict is good, it shows we are both passionate about the project.
Not to worry, I took the meeting and showed them your first 50 pages. Then I pitched them the McDonalds bit, they went for it so it's a definite GO.
And don't worry, I know you're all about the integrity, they've promised to make the McDonalds logo ancient-looking.
Let's put to bed our recent conflicts and focus on our great movie.
Derek Jacowski, Producer Winner of 2 Emnys 'Producer To Watch Out For' 2006 (Michigan Arts Quarterly)
I need to pee. I'm in the middle of the isle. No way can I get out. Their legs are so big. If I leave now I'll fall over everybody. And I'll miss something important. Although nobody who pees ever misses anything important. It's like we're trained to urinate right at the moment when James Bond is just chilling out by the bar with nothing to do. If I climb over the row in front of me, knock the bald guy out of the way and head to the emergency exit, I should be able to pee-and-return quicker than Sebastian Vettel can make a pit stop. They should invent a pair of headphones that gives me the audio track of the movie to listen to while I pee. They probably don't need to invent a new type of headphone, I don't know. Maybe I can stay at home, listen to the whole movie on the special headphones. That would save me from having to make any kind of trip at all. Plus I don't need to ask a stranger in a baseball cap where the toilet is.
I don't actually have to pee. I'm just anticipating that I will. Probably because this coke-flavoured-water is so big. Do I pee prior to needing to pee or do I wait until I definitely need to pee or hold on until it's too late? Problem is, if I don't go now I'll keep thinking about the fact I'll need to go soon.
That hot girl over there saw me go into the toilet before the film started. That was only eleven minutes ago. She'll know I have a weak bladder.
I should come back with popcorn, that'll fool her. Maybe another flat-coke too. What is this film about?
The women's toilet is actually much nearer. What is gender anyway? Just a social construct. I'm going to pee in the women's toilet. Wearing headphones.
That girl over there sure is gorgeous. I wish my girlfriend wasn't blocking my view of her.
If I pee now, there's still 64 minutes left. This may need to be a 2-pee strategy. I'm not sure I can do that. Everyone in the cinema will know.
I need to turn my phone on and run out of the screen yelling, "hold on, I'm in the cinema," then everyone will think it's a business call rather than a nature call.
I wonder if anyone else is on a 2-pee strategy. I need someone else to go first. But now I really have to go. Even the awkward-leg-fold isn't helping. My girlfriend isn't impressed. She's started eyeing up the hot girl.
Writer/Director Jennifer Westcott did what all first-time feature directors are encouraged to do; make a film set in one location, and fund it on Kickstarter. She deserves praise for pulling it off. Making a movie, any movie, is tough. And 'Locked in a Garage Band' is a well put together film. The director had a vision, a story, and delivered it. But the script has major flaws. We moan that the scripts for studio movies get meddled with too much. The problem with crowd-funded movies is that there's rarely anyone on quality control. We all like to think we're capable of writing a genius screenplay straight out of the park, but few of us are Woody Allen.
The film's main flaw is that, due to the title, we know it's about a band who get locked in a garage. But the film takes 30 minutes to get there! When the audience knows the answer already, you can't hold it back from the audience, you're wasting their time.
The set-up was a pretty standard one. A bunch of white friends in the suburbs have a few disagreements and relationship issues, which make people leave the band, join the band, etc etc... and then they all come together in a garage, and are accidentally locked in for the day.
Forced to be together, the only thing is for hilarity and high drama to ensue....
..But it doesn't happen. The laughs don't come, because the stakes aren't big enough.
The friends are stuck in a room together and many of them dislike each other due to misunderstandings and disagreements. And one of the guys is annoyed because he had an interview to get to.
But it's not enough! So what if the friend group is fractured? Most groups of friends are! And the guy has an interview? Who cares! Reschedule it.
The concept had so much potential - but it needed more conflict! One of them could have been claustrophobic, another with a deadline for an exam which will change his life, the other's dying grandmother waiting to be picked up at the airport--- the stakes need to be giants!
That's why the film is much weaker than it could have been. The being locked in is not a big punishment for these, it's not a big thing to overcome; you don't feel anyone is truly suffering.
That's why the ending, when they all suddenly learn life lessons, is so unbelievable.
Even in a light comedy, you can afford to raise the game; have characters who are desperate, who are in jeopardy.
But hey, they funded it on Kickstarter, and shot it in 10 days. And for that, they should be applauded. The performances are good, the cinematography does the job; and the editing is top notch.
What if the next twenty years of smartphones had already been developed and they were leaking them to us bit by bit in order to take our money every year?
What if Facebook knew everything about us and knew what we do, where we go, the things we wear and the people we spend time with? What if Facebook had information that could get us sacked, embarrass us, change our lives?
What if there was a mass attempt to dumb us down? Can you imagine if the tabloid magazines, reality TV shows and soaps were just a way of keeping us out of trouble, indoors and in line?
Can you imagine if movies were so predictable and unimaginative that we could get used to and comfortable with their patterns? We'd begin to crave the same ideas, same clichés, the same feelings. Maybe the films and soaps and reality shows would convince us that if we stay in line, work hard and tweet, maybe we'll be successful one day. Maybe we'll be discovered. Maybe our luck will turn and we'll get an abundance of riches and beaches. Maybe these dreams and dilusions would keep us doing things we loathe day after day, week after week, ever hopeful that someday something might change while we watch the world from distances and devices.
Think of what it would be like if Google knew what you'd searched for, what you'd looked at, and all the bizarre thoughts and curiosities that are inside that head of yours. Can you imagine if the government could use all your emails and Facebook messages as evidence against you?
What if kids got bullied in school for not wearing Nike? What if girls wouldn't wear the same dress more than once because everyone on Facebook would see? What if people felt insecure because the tiny logo on their shirts weren't as good as the tiny logos on other people's shirts?
What if phone apps were killing our brain cells? What if we were being hypnotised and sedated by technology and brands and television? What if the unique and inspiring artists were blocked out of the film industry? What if we were all conforming to lifestyles based on the types of clothes we wear? What if those with different opinions were ridiculed? What if the people around you were so disheartened and depressed that they said "who cares! This is just the way things are!"
If these things were true, would you change how you live?
