Google+ Followers

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Fear.

It's a leap of faith to choose this lifestyle. You decide that you're a director or actor or writer and then you go off into the world. And you wear that badge.

With a mix of curiosity, envy, and disdain they ask you what the hell you're doing and how you're surviving.

And sometimes you have no idea. You have no money and no-one's into your stuff and you're nowhere.

I think that's the hard part. Artists never really have holidays. They never chill out. Because when people ask what you're doing you freak out. Because you need a masterplan.

If you're not able to tell them where you're going you feel like a fraud.

Truth is we're lost. Putting up dreams into the sky and dodging all the things that tear them down.

We don't know how to succeed.
We don't know where the money is.
We don't know why they like some films and hate the others.

We're just following our hearts.

When are you going to make some money? I have no idea.

Having confidence is hard. And some chirpy actress will lend you a book about positivity but it's vapid like her work. No good. Its just hard to put a script or film out and have it speak for what the hell you're doing with your life.

Sometimes we're miserable. Because we've got no idea when we'll make something good, or make some money or get a holiday. And we don't feel good when we take the pay day over your birthday party but sometimes we go half a millennia without paid work.

We never admit to the fear. Or to the idea we don't have all the answers.

Care to share?

3 comments:

  1. This sentiment I can relate to so much. My friends and I have come together to start a writing group. We meet every week to write, critique and take our writing forward.

    Thing is, ever since I became a journalist, I stopped writing. Two years alter, I have a new job and I feel stuck because my writing is stagnant. This writing group is an exercise in fear for me because I have never laid my work bare for everyone to critique. Yes, my blog is there, but that's my life story. The stories that I want to tell have not even been written yet and I'm so scared that no one will like them.

    Its a strange precipice. I can't say I enjoy the view, but I do need to take that leap. Sometime.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When I was younger, I felt that fear all the time to the point that I stopped writing and just worked at a 'normal' job for money. Now that I'm older, I don't feel that fear - maybe I do, but I don't pay attention to it any more.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hear hear. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

    ReplyDelete