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Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Texting Tom

Eight years ago I met Tom, when I was casting a film. I disliked him immediately but we ended up great friends.

At least I thought we did.

But then I realised I haven't seen him in three years.

Although we text nearly every day.

Our texts are completely nonsensical; and are comprised almost entirely, and randomly -- out of quotes from 'Forrest Gump', 'The Cable Guy', 'Groundhog Day' and 'You've Got Mail'. It's something like this.

KID
Do you think we should meet? 

TOM
You're a very nice guy, but I just don't have any room in my life for a new friend. Okay?  

KID
But I'm in the all America ping pong team.

TOM
Is there someone else? Oh! That woman on television, Sidney-Ann!!!

KID 
F-O-X

TOM 
Needlenose Ned?

KID
Ned the head? Ned Ryerson? Needlenose Ned? F-O-X? 

TOM 
It's the cable guy.

KID 
You like boats, but not the ocean.

TOM 
I never made a slam dunk before. Thanks for the boost. Racoons. 

KID 
Those must be comfortable shoes. You can sit here if you want to.

TOM
Jenny?

KID 
Momma, what's vacation?

TOM 
F-O-X

KID
Do you think we should meet? 

TOM
You're going down Red Knight! Down, down, down., Red Knight's goin' down. Down, down, down, Red Knight goin' down.

KID
You off to see the groundhog?

TOM
Nancy?

KID
That kid may be the stupidest son of a bitch I've ever seen, but he sure is fast! 

TOM 
Yes Drill Sargeant. 

I often find myself distracted from writing, or reaching for my phone during meetings, or even waking up in the middle of the night---- purely to add to our ongoing masterpiece of quotexts. I think it's because Lieutenant Dan was always getting these funny feelings about a rock or a trail or the road, so he'd tell us to get down, shut up. And what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.

Care to share?

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