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Saturday, 20 November 2010

The Best Of Neither Worlds

I am realizing that I don't rest, and I also don't work hard. When I'm working hard I'm dreaming of resting, and when I'm resting, I'm not resting at all; because I feel guilty for not doing anything. So my life goes like this..

Do some writing.... But keep flicking around on Facebook trying to get out of my brain.... Tell myself I need a break... put on a DVD.... realize I need to edit that video project..... Start editing.... Remember that I haven't read all the script contest entries yet..... read a script.... feel tired... decide to go to bed..... start getting pissed off that I haven't had a new script idea recently.... get up in middle of the night and bash out ten pages of a script... realise I need sleep... go to sleep.... wake up determined to do something amazing..... sit around feeling uninspired... write a blog post about how inspired I am... feel that I need to see my friends... arrange to see my friends..... keep emailing my film's producer whilst out with friends........

And so on! I am finding that I am not FULLY engaged in my creative work, because I always want to be doing NOTHING. But whenever the chance comes up to do nothing, I am determined to do EVERYTHING. 

So nothing gets done, and nothing gets-- errr, not done. And I've known this for a while but am realising now that, it's getting to the point where it could be a problem. 

I am realizing, of course, that both are important. But what is important, is to do them consciously. I need to allow myself to rest. That's what I am going to do tomorrow. I need to drink tea and see my friends and realize the value in those things. And I can even watch three movies back to back if I want to.

Care to share?

12 comments:

  1. So true! I tend to find myself spread out on soo many projects that I forget where I was to begin with.

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  2. Thanks! This helps me put it in perspective too!

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  3. Never feel bad about having a movie marathon.

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  4. Oh yes. You've inspired me. Back to structure this week. Desk with no internet in the morning. Cooking timer set to 45 mins, once before breakfast and twice after. Movie or garden after early lunch. Then a couple more 45 mins, & then People time. Bed early. Fingers crossed, I'l MEET the 1 December deadline instead of worrying abt it. Many tx, Kid!

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  5. I know exactly how you feel! I can't concentrate on my writing until everything else is out of the way... but by the time I finish everything else, I've either lost the motivation to write, or the energy. Or both.

    Facebook is a *major* time-waster... if I had signed up before this year, I never would have finished my first screenplay. If I had never signed up at all, I'd probably be finishing up my second. Damn you, Zuckerberg!

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  6. I can seriously relate to that

    Diana

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  7. This is absolutely the story of my life. Is this a diagnosable medical condition?

    I love the idea of working, and I always jump into new jobs and opportunities thinking I'll be 100% absorbed by them & just rock out. Then I just think about my bed or my book all day and how nice a glass of wine would be.

    Hm.

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  8. Where does this blog post come on the procrastination cycle? I agree with you though. The desire to do something and actually doing it rarely meet.

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  9. ANNABELLE - If you suffer from these symptoms, there is a diagnosis, which is that YOU ARE A CREATIVE PERSON. It's a good thing.

    CHRIS DAVID RICHARDS - I just looked up procrastination cycle, 'cos I didn't know what you were talking about. I can see what you (and other commenters) mean, linking this to procrastination.. but it's not quite the same, although is probably related. I am always productive, and always getting the work done -- so it's not procrastination, it's more about the mental health state surrounding my projects. But sure, is probably related more than I realise! I'm too driven and self-critical to allow any procrastination!

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  10. Uncanny. I got rid of my facebook for these very reasons, but alas it hasn't helped there's always distractions..its just how im wired!

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  11. hahah great post :) I think a lot of people can relate to that.

    check out my blog. no one really does :p leave a comment or something.

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