Tuesday, 28 September 2010
No Movie Kid
I'm not really watching any films at the moment. It's not like I don't have the time, I do, but with that time - the things I am doing are not watching movies. I don't even have an interest in going to the cinema.
I think I'm different to most of my film-obsessed friends in this way. I am able to let go of it sometimes. Not just let go, sometimes I'm not interested. I guess I need a break; sometimes when you watch six films when you have a free day, that can't be totally good for you!
What's happening more as I get older (wow, I've started saying 'as I get older.' Don't expect wisdom) is that I don't identify with my interests so much. Sure, I love Charlie Chaplin, but I can not react when somebody says something incorrect about him, I can listen and enjoy that someone thinks 'Mamma Mia' is amazing without needing to rip it to pieces. I am able to have people say "You are not a real film fan if you don't watch movies every day!" They could be wrong, they could be right -- it doesn't really matter. I'm just living and breathing and creating and watching movies and not creating and not watching movies. Definitions like film geek, film fan, film snob, etc, they're just labels right?
Sometimes it's really freeing. I remember when I was younger, and there was a film I hadn't seen -- someone would say, "have you seen Léon?" and if I hadn't, I'd feel like a failure, like I didn't know films, like they'd think less of me if I hadn't. I still sometimes feel that impulse now when someone says "Did you love Inception? Did you? Did you understand it?" - I could feel completely diminished by their superiority. Except, they don't have any superiority. It's just a movie. Maybe you got it. Maybe you didn't. It doesn't matter.
The term 'Kid In The Front Row' was, I figured, just a cool term about being like a kid who loves movies. But the more I grow into the blog, the more I feel like it's about an attitude, a way of approaching films. And it's about doing it on your own terms. About how you really feel. On a simple level, it's about watching 'Mamma Mia' nine times in four days if you want to, it's about watching Jimmy Stewart with a loved one at 2am and feeling the world is fucking fantastic. But it's also about not watching movies. It's about loving movies, not about loving that you love movies, or loving that people think you love movies.
Essentially, movies are just movies. They're things that capture life, and inspire life, but they aren't life. And if they are, they're one minuscule part of it. Right now, I have nothing to say about movies and I'm loving every second of it.