Gender and The Rom-Com

November 19th-December 19th 2011 is Rom-Com Season at Kid In The Front Row.

Men aren't allowed to like rom-coms. This is the rule. If the girlfriend wants to watch a rom-com then the man can watch it but he has to say "she made me watch it". If the man doesn't have a girlfriend then he needs to say "I watched it so that if I ever get a girlfriend I'll have something to talk about". Men have to watch action films and sports films and films about sport with action in them. Transgendered people have to watch documentaries only.

The rules are bizarre and nobody understands them. Men are not meant to watch rom-coms and if they do they're not meant to admit to it. What happens if you're watching an action film and it starts to get romantic? What if you're watching hardcore porn and they begin to talk about their feelings?

Men get uncomfortable talking about rom-coms. It's like talking about your bowel movements or talking about how often you cut your toenails, it's just not something you ever do. It is customary, when asked about a rom-com, to say "I don't really watch them, to be honest".

If a man does watch a rom-com it is to be assumed that he is a woman, or gay, or that he accidentally sat on the remote control during 'Die Hard'.

Romantic Comedies are not allowed to be in your top 5 movies lists, otherwise you will be outcast by all the other people within your gender. Top 5 lists are allowed to have awkward cult films, and they can have 'I-know-it's-lame-but-I-love-it' films, just as long as they're not romantic. If, when asked about your favorite films, you say you love 'One Fine Day' or 'Ghost' or 'Pretty Woman', you immediately need to take back what you said and replace it with 'Pulp Fiction' or 'Donnie Darko'. Everyone is allowed to say they like 'Donnie Darko', because nobody knows what it's about, which therefore means it's genius and acceptable to the male gender.

If, despite your best efforts, you still watch and enjoy a rom-com. You can get away with it by saying "It wasn't that bad actually". This implies that it was not terrible, but that you did not want to watch it.

Every film ever made has a value in terms of social approval and significance. You must make sure you choose from the appropriate list, otherwise you run the risk of being a free-thinker and individual. If you happen to truly love a rom-com, then you will be told that you're a sheep and that you like dumb rom-coms like everyone else, even though nobody else loves them or is at least not allowed to say they love them because if they do they will be outcast.

If you want to be a man then you must not feel free enough within your gender to watch films that include romance. You must stick within a small perimeter which has in it only action films, sex-comedies and more action films. If you admit to liking romantic films, then you will be excluded from the gender immediately.

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15

It's kind of funny
You're 15 years old
And dive head first into your passions
The years trickle on and
For a while
You watch every movie
You read every book
And everything's a dream

Later on
The rejections come
You sign a bad deal
The girlfriend leaves you

The world signals a no
But you know what you love
You just can't reach it
But you can almost see it

You fly through the years
You fight your battles
And you search and hope and chase
That thing
That you had
When you were 15.

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HOME ALONE WTF With My Friend Carl

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
I'm eating. Carl is eating. Craig is playing a game on his iPhone, oblivious to everything. 

CARL 

Did you see 'Home Alone' the other night? 

KID

It was on TV? 

CARL

Yeah. The first and the second film. 

KID

It's too early. 

CARL 

Definitely too early. 

KID 

What the hell were they thinking? 

CARL 

I know. 

KID 

They do this every year. Everyone knows 'Home Alone' should be on TV about four days before Christmas. 

CARL 

Not in November. 

KID 

Never in November. 

CARL

Who are the people who schedule TV shows, do you know them?

KID 

I don't know them. I don't know anyone who thinks 'Home Alone' should be shown in November. 

CARL 

Same here. 

KID

They've ruined Christmas. 

CARL 

They've ruined Christmas. 

KID 

Home Alone should be shown four days before Christmas. 

CARL

What about Christmas eve? 

KID 

I have no problem with Christmas eve. You know what I have a problem with?

CARL 

The bird woman. 

KID

Nobody likes the bird woman. We have New York City, why do we need the bird woman? 

CARL 

They should screen the bird-woman parts in November and everything else in December, four days before Christmas. 

KID 

You know what else they should have in the second film?

CARL

What? 

KID

Fuller drinking Pepsi. 

CARL 

Definitely. 

KID 

I don't feel I can enjoy Christmas this year. 

CARL 

You don't even watch it on TV, you have it on DVD.

KID 

I only have it because the TV people keep messing it up.

CARL 

But why do you care? 

KID 

Because you don't show it in November. It's the rule. Everybody knows the rule. 

The 'Home Alone Conversation' is something that seems to happen every year. Read the one from last year here. 

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Words

I have nothing to say, but I want to write. Ever have that feeling?

So I'm just going to write.

I'm in the research stage for one project, I'm in post-production on another, and in the rehearsal stage for something else.

What I just wrote makes me sound productive but a huge part of me always feels like I'm doing nothing.

The research stage for a writing assignment is actually quite exciting, because you sense the possibilities. In your research you dig for juice, dig for things that resonate.

Post-production is tricky. Editing is like a half eaten box of chocolates. You don't have all the flavors you want, but there are still some great ones in there. During filming you lose some of your vision but you gain the vision of your collaborators and somewhere therein lies the art. That's filmmaking.

The rehearsal was just for a little side project, a piece of fun. We worked through it on Skype. Was enjoyable but my internet connection always goes crazy during Skype calls, I'm sure it does it on purpose. The conversations start getting ten second delays, if not longer. Maybe I should make a time travelling Skype movie.

I found time to go for a run today. How to motivate yourself? Run towards a cinema. It worked for me. I saw "Tower Heist". And then I jogged home. It was a long run. My legs were angry because they weren't expecting to work so hard, but that's the way it goes.

"Tower Heist" is watchable enough. That's all I have to say about it.

I was having a meal with Anna yesterday in Primrose Hill. I say 'with Anna' as if you all know who she is, but you don't, at least; I assume you don't. Anyway, I had dinner with Anna, who's an actress, and we were talking about friendship and work. It's interesting, because so often the lines of friendship are confused when you both work in the industry. How much of it is real and how much of it is done for the sake of wanting a role in a movie or something similar? It's tricky.

I was explaining a thing that always bugs me-- how many actors I've known have claimed we have a 'Special relationship', they say things like "I'm the Keaton to your Woody Allen!".

People want to be on the inside, they want you to feel like you've got a special relationship, because then you're more likely to give them work. But when it comes down to it, there's no special relationship, they don't put the work in, they just want it to seem that way.

I have maybe four friends in the industry (Anna is one of them) who I'm happy to say we have that kind of relationship, because pretty much every day we consult each other on our decisions (creatively and practically), and we make the effort to help each others projects. Many people say they want involvement, want to do the work, but for most people it's just a thing they say.

I tried watching 'The Exorcist' tonight but it was so darn slow. I don't remember it being this slow?

My best writing comes when I'm caught somewhere between conscious thought and dreaming. It's a magical place that I can't always get to. Right now, I'm nowhere near it. I'm stuck in the real world. It's exciting though, waiting for that trigger. I never know what it will be, but when it comes, the writing is better.

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LIKE CRAZY

November 19th-December 19th 2011 is Rom-Com Season at Kid In The Front Row.

On the one hand, this film is great. It's about falling for someone and waiting for their call and missing them when you break up and dying to be back with them and seeing them again and crying and not crying and running around laughing and kissing and being young and beautiful and for the briefest moment you think this might be a really great film...

...Because they get the tone right between the characters. You remember when you were young and a kiss or a not-kiss or a look or an almost look meant everything? This film is about that and at times it captures it perfectly and you feel eighteen again.

I joked in a recent article that one of the main things a rom-com needs is 'white people'. The point being, of course, that Hollywood is prejudiced and makes films mostly for and about white people. But really, the joke is that white people don't really have any problems. And you soon realise that's what this film is about -- white people who don't have any problems.

Here's the story. Two lovely young people fall in love. But the girl's visa is running out so she has to go back to the UK. But she loves the dude so she over-stays her Visa. Then she goes back home. When she returns to the USA, she gets stopped by passport control, because she violated her Visa on her last visit, so they don't let her through. She cries, and oh no, they can't see each other! So she's flown back to the UK.

So that's the first act. Two people fall in love and then one of them isn't allowed in America because of her Visa (and it's her dumb fault anyway). So she goes home and then for fifteen minutes of the movie the characters are soul searching and breaking up and leaving each other. So it goes bad. But then they talk on the phone. And they miss each other. And he flies out to see her. So it wasn't a big deal after all.

Of course, these young romances aren't a big deal. You're just a kid and you get all loved up and you take things way too seriously. But this film takes itself so seriously. It tries to portray the truth. And y'know, maybe it does, but in doing so - you just have a couple of characters sitting around sharing feelings, being happy, being mopey, and having an average white relationship.

But I can relate. I mean, all of my relationships are average white relationships and they're boring as hell. And the girl in the movie is just like the girls I fell for back in the day and the dialogue is just like the nonsense we used to spout to each other.

The film is too self-aware, too real. There's no mystery, no magic. When you make a film like this you only have the relationship and the things they experience to hold it together. That's why 'Before Sunrise' works. The glue is so strong. That's why 'Once' touched so many people, it was truthful and poignant and artistic. It resonated.

'Like Crazy' will resonate with people who are like the characters, but so many more will think 'what is the big deal?' and 'why can't they get over themselves?' They should have called this film "Everything Is Normal And Quite Average And Occasionally You Might Go A Month Without Seeing Your Boyfriend But Don't Worry It's OK".

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