Self-Confidence & The Importance Of Your Work In The World.

In my previous post I asked people to talk about what projects they're working on, why they're important in the world, what obstacles they are facing, and when the projects will be completed. First of all, it has been wonderful to learn about everyone's projects-- it's inspiring and exciting. I can't wait to see them all (and to those of you who posted completed projects, I will check them out very soon.)

There were some very interesting things to observe when people were talking about their projects; many of them have similar patterns. They are patterns that are common in creative people; and I think just naming them and having awareness around them can be helpful.

1. When talking about what 'project' they are working on - people often name 2, or 4, or 9 projects. Or even more, endless amounts..

2. People don't see why their projects are important in the world.

3. People lack confidence.

4. People don't set deadlines.

These are all linked. Paying more attention to each stage can really transform your creativity, and your confidence.

It is a common thing for creative people to jump from project to project. Even when you meet a sixteen year old just getting into filmmaking, they'll tell you nine different story ideas. They want to do them all. It's easier and cooler to say "I wanna do a Sci-Fi film, then do an action film, then do a Tarantino-ish thing...". It's very hard to stop, draw attention to one, and focus on it. To stand up and say, "I am making a Sci-fi film. It means the world to me."

In February, I completed a first draft of a feature. And then practically dismissed it -- and kept hunting around for a new project. In fact, I've spent many months spending ALL my energy on an endless pursuit, this giant urge for a new idea. I completely disregarded what I'd just written. This is something we all do. We work and work and then we dismiss. We never reap the benefits of our hard work, we never accept our wonderful achievements or recognize them, which leads to a........

..Lack Of Confidence. But first we should take comfort in realising: everyone is in the same boat. Everyone has self-doubt. Just look at the comments on the previous article. In the first question, people shared their wonderful, exciting ideas. Two questions later, they were hiding behind their blocks, inner-critics, and lacking creative juices. We have this miraculous ability to slam the door shut on our creativity and excitement and make it hard for ourselves. Take comfort in the fact that we all do this. I write blogs, and then - moments later, have crippling fear that I've written a load of bullshit and nobody will give a crap. A few days back, I spent a whole day watching and then writing about Forrest Gump. For hours, there were no responses: and I completely lost confidence in my writing, blogging, knowledge of Forrest Gump, reason for existence, etc etc--- and I am pretty sure none of you would have imagined that of me. We all have it - the confidence and belief waivers. The only thing we can make sure we do, is STAY IN THE GAME. Keep working.

Sometimes every Facebook poke, every browse of Google News, every cup of coffee--- they're just these little slices of lacking self-belief; we convince ourselves we need a coffee or need to check the news before we work on our projects. The truth is, we are desperate for those distractions. Anything to keep us from the giant, full of failure careers that are waiting for us. At some point, the truth dawns: this is the reason it's failing. Three hours of chatting to Mary Frumpley on Facebook about her Niece's health problems is not conducive to your productivity, to your projects, to your success. Confidence comes from being in the room, in the zone, in the chair, in the project.

Your project has a place in the world. If you're making a three minute short film about trash cans-- it may seem pointless and just for laughs- but truth is, what you're making, it's saying something you want in the world. The message might be, 'don't take life too seriously', it might be 'life is pointless so let's throw everything away' -- who knows. Whatever it is, there is some part of you, your brain, your heart, your humor, or something--- there is some part of you that you want to get out into the world. It's that part of you that makes friends, that has connections, that responds to music-- it's that part of you that is your essence, it's where your magic lies. That needs to be out there in the world. Even if your project is 'making a chess board' - there's still a reason why the world needs that. Maybe you're mourning the loss of game players to the internet age, maybe you remember as a kid how chess brought your family together. Whatever it is, you can be less alone and less narcissistic about your project when you realize; it isn't just yours. It's for the world. Who you are, what you're about and what you're doing have a place in the world.

Think about it. Find it. Get excited about it. It will give you confidence.

Your OBSTACLES will begin to change -- it's important that you focus on one thing at a time. Spielberg or Soderbergh might be able to jump from idea to idea, genre to genre, but even they can't do them all at once. Don't be afraid to focus on one thing: nobody will think you're any less productive. And even if they do, it doesn't matter-- because you WILL be more productive by dedicating yourself to one thing. Do one thing, and do it amazingly - and your self-belief will begin to grow as you really get in touch with why you wanted to do it in the first place.

Set a deadline! This is so important. Next week on Thursday; Thursday will just be Thursday, like all the other Thursday's. Maybe you'll work on your script, maybe you'll get new headshots, maybe you'll phone that scary person who might be able to help with financing your project. Maybe. Or, you could definitely do those things. A 'definite' will only happen if you make concrete plans. I know you're busy next Thursday, you have work, then you have to look after the kids, then you have to fill in your tax form and then you need to cook dinner and then you need to get sleep and then you need to get rid of your horrible flu. But you also NEED to work on your project. MILLIONS OF TALENTED CREATIVE PEOPLE PROCRASTINATE AND WAIT EVERY SINGLE DAY. You will be different, you will succeed; by the mere act of participating, by setting goals and working towards them.

And then when everything is done, you can take a short rest: safe in the knowledge you did everything you could, every time you had a chance.

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Conversation With Myself

I am an idea.

I am your inner-critic. Your idea isn't good enough.

I am a good idea. I'm funny & interesting, I'm a great story.

Hmm, NO. There's no way to make it work.

I am on the page now, look. Page 1, the beginning of me.

This isn't going anywhere. It's leading nowhere. No-one will like it.

Hold on - why do you get a bigger say than me? Why are you taking it so seriously? It's just a screenplay, it's not terminal.

Um, what-- because, it is serious!

You seem to be getting smaller. Why are you taking me so seriously? I'm just a good idea.

Because, uh-- what? No, listen to me - you are not a good idea! I am protecting you from failure! I am protecting you from making a fool of yourself!

I am more likely to be less of a failure if I actually get heard. All my brothers and sisters are laying there dead, most of them are only 9 pages. If they were 120 pages, maybe they wouldn't be such failures.

Okay, just write, but be careful. I'm worried about you.

I'm just an idea, I'm just a screenplay. I'll be fine. You need to stop treating things like they are as important and as terrifying as genocide.

Okay, sorry.

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A Lack Of Self-Confidence, And What We're Going To Do About It.

When I started out in filmmaking, I made many short films on zero-budgets. I was that guy who would go out and shoot with his camera and no crew. The films were, for the most part, pretty decent-- and I showed a lot of promise. I had always promoted the idea that films, especially short films, didn't need to cost much money; if any at all.

Fast-forward a few years, and I was still making short films with just me and a camera. The quality was improving somewhat, but I hadn't made the leaps I perhaps felt I could have done. Looking back it is very obvious why-- I wasn't doing everything I could be in terms of collaboration. I was still shooting myself, I didn't get a Director Of Photography. I would still handle the sound myself, rather than get people who knew what they were doing.

For years I have had the knowledge and contacts to be able to put a little crew together, but it hadn't happened. The reason being, that voice inside me that would tell me "you're not ready yet, maybe a couple more films.." or "No crew is going to take you seriously." It's very strange, but now I realise, not uncommon-- to have these two sides of your personality battling each other. On the one hand, there are times when I have lacked confidence, been unsure of how others perceive me. But at the same time, I have always had an unwavering belief in my abilities and knowing this certainty that, one day, my films will be loved by many people.

I have a lot of friends who are actors, and every single one of them has this same process at work. On the one hand, they've done all the courses and gone to all the auditions; they're like a powerhouse of ambition and self-belief. But there is also the flip side to this-- a deep insecurity; something telling you you're not quite good enough for the role, or that you're not quite ready. Strangely, sometimes as an actor you DO get the role. And then the actor feels like they've cheated the system. They're just worried that one day somebody will figure out that they weren't supposed to be there.

And, one day not long from now, my looks will go, they will discover I can't act and I will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while.

-Anna Scott in 'Notting Hill'

My personality has never really been one that seeks approval. I am generally happy for people to think what they want of me, and I wear my terrible clothes and sit in my room listening to Springsteen records, I'm happy with myself. But when it comes to my creations, there has often been the need for approval. The notion of being 'discovered' or of getting money to make a project, is subject to somebodies approval. It is at the very heart of what we do. The battle to prove we are worthwhile.

Of course, the simplistic advice we get is "be more confident." But I think we need to go further than that. We need to be more confident, but without the need for anybody's approval. I know a novel writer who, upon publishing his first novel, absolutely blitzed everybody on Facebook, on emails, etc-- begging them to buy his book. "Read me! Love me! Help me!" I could totally understand it; it's a pattern that certainly isn't alien to me. What could be worse than putting your heart and soul into your book, only to have nobody to read it come the end? Well, a worse thing would be putting your heart and soul into a book, forcing everyone to check it out, and still having nobody to read it come the end.

I spend a lot of time talking to successful people. I always like to know what makes them tick. In the field of filmmaking, and in other circumstances. What I find in most cases, is that the achievement comes when you stop fighting, and just create instead. Just yesterday, I was speaking to a theatre writer who struggled for years fighting to get her projects made. Then, for a few years, she went and had some kids and lived her family life. Before she knew it, people were on the phone, practically begging her to do projects. Likewise, the novelist I spoke of now quietly writes his books and screenplays, and is finding less resistence from the systems he used to feel oppressed by.

Look at it like an arm wrestling fight. If you are fighting the other person, you're going to get a lot of resistance. But if you loosen up, the fight loosens, and before you know it you have the ease and the energy to push forward. I am not talking about giving up, I am talking about changing your relationship with what you are trying to achieve.

So far I've talked about two things - self-confidence, and fighting to achieve with your creative pursuits. They are linked more than you might imagine. When you are trying to 'make it' as a writer, actor, director, etc-- you are entering into a system whereby you're offering something up, and the system can say 'let's make it!", "you've got the role!" or "we're not interested," "you're no good."

But that system, and by system I mean, the industry, the people who say 'you're worth our time' or 'you're not worth our time' is exactly the same as the inner process going on in your mind. Your script, or your audition, is the same as that voice in your head saying "this is what I want to do with my life." And that person who can say "Sorry, your writing is crap" is exactly the same as that voice in your own head, that tells you "your writing sucks!"

So why do you expect people in the industry to love your script when a part of your very being is telling you that it sucks? The naysayers in the industry are just an extension of that part of yourself that tells you you're not good enough. That's probably why you hate them so much, because they remind you of you.

To really understand the person who has the power to reject you, you really need to understand the part of you that rejects yourself-- or at least, your work. Maybe there's some great wisdom in that voice. This, for me, is where the limitations of those 'positive thinking' books come into play, because they try to override your negative feelings, rather than learn from them.

I believe you become successful when you are ready for it. I have found throughout my life that where I am, professionally and personally, is directly related to where I am in my head. And as I've become more aware of this, things have really transformed. I think that most people who have reached their desired level of success will tell you they did it at a time when they finally figured something out about themselves.

Self-confidence can come temporarily from listening to positive-thinking-guru type stuff. But after a while, you need more than that. You really need to look at your inner critic, at your insecurities; and find out what motivates them. That voice telling you 'you suck!' - where does it come from? Why is it there? Why do you sometimes trust it more than the confident version of you? What can you learn from it? What positive things can you take from that inner critic?

I know that my inner critic is pretty strong-- it's always there and it knows what it wants to say. I actually admire those qualities. What a great thing to have, perserverance and definiteness. That's something that it is teaching me. I should be as strong as that negative voice in my head. Come to think of it, having perserverance and being definate are two things that will really help me excel even more with my career.

This is something we can all do, starting today. Build a new relationship with the thing that zaps at your confidence. For me, next time I have a meeting or interview; instead of nerves or feelings of lack, I'm going to have new found perservence and definiteness, something that was always in me. Afterall, who the FUCK is my inner critic? Why am I taking him so seriously? Why do I believe him? What gives me the right to talk to me in that way? I know what I am doing with my creativity; of that I am sure, and I am going to perservere. And this new certainty has come from engaging with my inner critic, and learning from it. When something is part of you, you can either fight it, or learn from it and work with it. The same goes for external systems, like producers, film studios, script analysts, etc! Fix the thing inside yourself, and then you're going to do much better out there. I'd love to know your thoughts.

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