message in a bottle

There are only a few films that I truly, truly love. But that's enough. Enough for me to know this is what I need to be doing with my life.

Because you know a film can have that impact.

You want to make something like that.

When someone says "what's your film about?", that's never what your film is about. 

It's that feeling in your stomach, your head, your heart, and everywhere in between.

It's that thing that only you feel.

That you've felt since you were a kid.

That feeling unique to you, that makes the days managable and the nights meaningful.

And it's your job to grab it and get it on the page, and find it in actors, and clinch it in the edit.

You write it down, bottle it up, and send your message out into the world. And you hope it floats.

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48 Year Old Divorcee Blogging About Plants

I struggle with those blogs where people just ramble about whatever comes to their minds, do you know the type I mean? They post pictures of their cats and they give out "Most Fluffy Blog" Awards to their friends who have names like Deirdre and Marlene. But, as a change of pace; I figured I'd just write a blog without knowing what I'm going to say, and see where it ends up. I won't be blogging about my cats, because I killed them.

I've never owned cats, don't worry. I never even saw the show. I watched 'THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3' last night, that's the remake, not the original. I know we're meant to claim that remakes are the devil; but I'd never seen the original and this film I enjoyed. I'm not an action film guy. A few cars blow up and buildings explode. Great. But why should I care? But '..Pelham' was good. It had characters I cared about. This is what I need from an action flick.

1. A deadline. 

i.e. Get me the money, otherwise your family dies.

2. Someone who wants to get it all over so they can see their kid again. 

i.e. I need this to be over, so that I can finally be a good Dad to Little Billy.

3. Plausibility.

i.e. Don't have two guys running around shooting each other for two hours and end it with one of them suddenly inventing a phone that doubles as a ham sandwich, which poisons the bad guy, who suddenly announces that his ham allergy is deadly. 

Now, PELHAM, as I'll call it now, did have a few plausibility issues, but I enjoyed it! It was in New York, it was gritty, it was fast. It had the dancing guy from the 70's shouting "Motherfucker!" a lot. Great stuff. 

"JULIE & JULIA" is a good movie. It captures a different New York. It's the Nora Ephron New York. It's funny; on the making of thing on the DVD one of the producers says "This is a different New York to what Nora's shot before, it's gritty." Gritty? really? Just because there was a Pizzeria in it? It's hardly "DO THE RIGHT THING." Now that's a good movie. In fact; now I think about it -- Spike Lee and Nora Ephron are both very similar in that they draw you into their worlds. They make you care. They can have a fuckawful story but they get away with it; because they've wrapped you up and welcomed you into their worlds. They've put the heating on, they've made you coffee, and you don't want to leave. 

Julie Powell; as a real person, and as a film character; is really a great role model for success. She had a target which would test her. She had passion for something. She had a role model. And she worked her ass off. Her character spoke a lot, of feeling like Julie Child was in the room, and of having conversations with her as she cooked. To many, that sounds insane; but to anybody who wants to do anything extraordinary, it's the most normal thing in the world. Napoleon Hill was preaching that back in the day in his success books. It works. Unfortunately, I thought I was visualizing Billy Wilder in my imagination, but it was actually Bill Wiseman, from Barnsley, UK; who is currently unemployed and suffering from gout. Make sure you visualize properly.

With all this talk of movies set in New York, I should mention Woody Allen. I watched "ANYTHING ELSE" the other day. I love it! I hated it for a while, but on watching it a few days back I remembered that I actually love it, I just convinced myself I hated it after everyone said it was terrible. But I dig it. Sure, it sucks in so many ways and is a rehash of many past works. Woody was also clearly struggling with big changes in crew; this was the time when he was having to come to the realization that even though he'd had people willing to fund his New York movies all through his career, that was no longer going to be the case. 

But I love this film because; Woody knows comedy. More than that, Woody Allen knows Woody Allen's style of comedy. And if you are a big Woody fan, you'll find lots to love in this movie. There's nothing better than a scene with Woody going over the top and panicking. There's nothing better than a straight line, followed by a cut to a scene which results in huge laughs. There's nothing better than Woody making a joke about being Jewish. There's nothing better than seeing Woody Allen convince another character to buy a survival kit (which includes not only a gun, but water purifying tablets.) Watching Woody Allen is just a pure joy, if you're into that kind of thing. If you're not, you'll suffer. But don't worry, pretty soon after this movie, we all started suffering, again and again.

I am rambling. This isn't good is it? I will now write a paragraph in the style of a 48 Year Old Divorcee.

MJ emailed me. He wanted sex again. I just realized MJ has the same initials as Michael Jackson and some people think he isn't dead. What if it's him? What if he gets me pregnant? Would it really be his or would it be Macaulay Culkin's? F called. GH-N-Q didn't call. I was sad. I bought a Dicksonia Antarctica for the garden. It's so beautiful. N got the garden in the divorce, so I don't know where I'll put it. I'm so lonely sometimes. It reminds me of the time FB told me he wanted some. I thought he wanted a threesome with me and I. That was my fantasy, me and FBI. But it wasn't the case. He did want some, but not sex. He was after my Sasa Palmata. I told him the soil in his garden wouldn't be right, plus it didn't have adequate shade.

Anyways. I watched "SLUMDOG MILLIONNAIRE," too. I like Freida Pinto. I like the movie. I liked it more this time on DVD than I did in the cinema. The hype was so big then because I could hardly see the film on the screen; it was like there was some big giant sign in front of it say "OMG, THIS IS THE BEST FILM EVER!". That's why I didn't see "THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT" for ten years.

I'm going to stop typing now.

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Loving What You Love And That Being Enough.

I've been really getting into Spike Lee films recently. I never used to be such a big fan, I don't think I was ready. I needed to find my way there. In recent times, I've felt a real yearning for something more from my cinema. Something more meaningful and powerful and influential -- I found it -- I found it by discovering (properly) the work of Spike Lee.

I'm loving his films. Fully engaged in all of them--- enjoying them more than any other films in a LONG TIME. And the best part about it? I really have nothing to say about them. They raise interesting questions when I watch them, and I find them often powerful, always entertaining--- but in terms of blogging here, I have NOTHING.

And it's got me thinking about that very thing-- about how we're always expected to justify and explain the things we love. When you meet someone and say "Actually, I loved Jumanji!," you're expected to explain it, to justify it. We don't ever get to just love films, we have to talk about the reasons. This is a normal thing in life but also, of course-- a self-imposed thing when you become a blogger. You don't let yourself watch or read too much without the inner voice saying "hmm, there must be a blog in this..."

Thinking right back to the beginnings of my love for cinema, and even TV; I used to just love stuff without talking about it. I would stay up and watch episodes of 'Steptoe & Son' on BBC2, I'd laugh hysterically, then it'd be time for bed. Just like when I would order as many Tom Hanks films on VHS as I could find; watch them, love them, then carry on with normal life (making my friends laugh and being ignored by girls and having friends laugh because I was being ignored by girls). They were magic times. Back then, enjoying films was easier. I just enjoyed them. It was my thing. As you become more open with your passions and begin to speak up for them, they kind of become everyone's. Or at least that's how it feels.

I don't entirely know what I'm talking about--- but that's kind of what I'm talking about, that it's okay, who says you need to know what you're talking about anyway? Who cares why you love something or why someone doesn't?

I think we often feel like we need to know why we like something, or why we think it's good. I have, in the past, felt a bit silly for not knowing why I like the films I like, or why a particular director is one of my favorites. It often feels like other people can say "Yes, his style is revolutionary and the tone of his films are influenced by Renoir with a hint of Godard; and his early work is reminiscent of 17th Century elephants which are themselves, of course, symbolic of the thriller genre." But for me, meh-- despite being a writer, director and persistent blogger; I haven't got a clue most of the time. In fact, I hardly even remember the films I love the most. I'll tell someone I love, say, Jerry Maguire, and they'll ramble on about a scene I have no recollection of.

I take in films differently. My style/way/dysfunction is that -- I get engrossed, and then I drop a lot of the info. I forget who did what, and where, and how-- if we both see a new movie and then tomorrow night talk about it, when you mention the scene about the scarecrow or whatever, I'll have no clue what you're talking about.

What I am comfortable with now is: knowing that this is completely fine. It's great that some people leave a movie knowing all the plot points or having thoughts about the intricacy of the Mise-En-Scene. For me, all I am left with is either a feeling of having enjoyed the film, or having disliked it--- and possibly having some other emotion attached to it. That's who I am - that's how I take in movies.

What I'm getting at, I think, although I'm not really sure--- is that, there's no rule that you have to be able to justify why something is good, nor does it matter if you don't remember the scene with the snake, and also -- we all value different things. It is often perceived, and/or can feel like you are less than if you can't quantify or explain something. I say: it isn't important, at all.

I remember when I was younger, I was working in a job-- not industry related.. and my boss told someone I'm a filmmaker. The woman he told came up to me and started talking about my filmic aspirations. It was all very pleasant until she said, pointedly, "Why do you want to make films?" and told me that if I couldn't answer, I'd never be a film director. I tried about sixteen times to answer-- each time she wasn't convinced, and neither was I. I couldn't explain it. I went home feeling like a complete failure, no wonder I was working in such a shit job. Of course, the realization came much later that I absolutely love films; watching and making them; and the fact I couldn't put it into words didn't matter. I put my screenplays into words, that's all that matters. Oppressive people trying to make me feel useless really aren't part of my journey. My lack of an explanation may have made that grumpy, wrinkly lady feel good for about seven minutes; but I have gone on to make films, she's gone on to terrorize more young people with big dreams. I'd rather be me.

Let's take some time to get back to loving what we love! And being happy in the knowledge that even if we find it hard to explain sometimes, that's fine, who says it needs to be explained, or make sense. This isn't an application for a grant, this isn't a police statement, it's the things we love -- it's art, it's life, it's the movies. It's you and me. It needs no explanation.

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Box Of Chocolates.

It's funny how the world works. You can be having the very best time of your life - but someone, somewhere else, is in downfall. It can be someone you know, or someone you don't know, I guess it really doesn't matter. But somewhere between living and dying, we're all going to travel around the wheel. There's something scary about that, but there's something really beautiful about it too.

And you look back at your life - there are the times you got the girl, the times you stayed up all night with new friends, the time you travelled to warmer climates, and there are the times you didn't get the girl, the times you sat by someone's bed-side as they slipped away, there are times you were stuck inside yourself with no idea how you would get out and do anything with your life.

I guess this is when a lot of people try to figure out the meaning of life, or look to God, or whatever. God can exist or not exist, life can be meaningless or important, either way-- we're on this big wheel that goes round and round until it runs out of energy. At any given moment, you can be flying high, it's all champagne, flowers and parties. But one more spin and it's smashed cars, broken dreams and day turning into night.

Sometimes it really jumps out and hits you -- you can be facing a moment that is literally life or death, and you turn to your closest friend, and they're trying to figure out which dress to wear to the party. But one year later, you're holidaying in Jamaica with your new wife, and that friend of yours is in a wheelchair now, and she doesn't quite feel confident enough to get back into a dress just yet. There's something really profound about noticing that polarity, and it doesn't really happen when you're stuck in your head, in your home, worrying about why your broadband isn't working, or being disturbed by how late the bus is. It only comes when you're faced with true life - when you're at the height of happiness or the depths of despair.

And that's what I find quietly beautiful about it all. Sometimes, a joke shared at someones hospital bed might be the funniest thing you ever hear. And you wouldn't have laughed like that if you were sat at home arguing on a forum about iPhone apps. And you realize, that car crash, that cancer, that break-up, whatever it is - it holds a lot more gold than pretty much everything else.

Your life is going to cycle. If you're laying on a beach, or buzzing around the streets of New York -- make sure you enjoy it. Life is to be enjoyed, and you deserve as many amazing experiences as you can find. Don't fear those bad times slipping in, because they're part of the tapestry of the wheel. I'm not saying you should 'be positive' like some cheesy self-help book; but even if the worst imaginable thing has happened, keep your eyes open, because some spark of life and magic can be found in the most subtle of things. And when life turns to shit, you notice the gold amongst the mud, that's where the silver lining is.

I guess what I'm saying is, whichever side of the wheel you're on - the other side is waiting for you; so if it's going to come, you may as well welcome it.

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."

-Forrest Gump

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Understanding Your Dreams - A Weird Short Story.

A Short Article By The Kid In The Front Row

Dreams are strange. People who like country music are also strange, but have been subject to less scientific research. My personal experiences on this matter have indeed been noteworthy. In fact, the content of my dreams were once planned to be the basis of a 20,000 word scientific study, but the scientist instead opted to do a Twitter update only. Dreams, we have long been told, are an absolute mystery. However, through my own studies, I can reveal they tend to happen at night and when sleeping.

I once fell asleep whilst wearing my glasses. This was unfortunate as for the next few hours I dreamt I was waiting for a consultation with my local optician. I only realized I was dreaming when a large gorilla walked in and praised me for being a great single Mother and an award winning acrobat. The amusement was short lived as he immediately charged me $50 for a contact lens examination.

Carl Jung, Freud and numerous other dead people believe dreams are the doorway to learning about our subconscious wants and desires. If this is true, why do I keep dreaming about Stephen Hawkins giving me foot massages? To get to the bottom of all this I enrolled in a three year psychology degree. This went great until three days before graduation when I woke up in a sweat; and realized it had all been a dream.

I have since learned that most of the time you can tell if you are in a dream because things seem completely unrealistic. For example, I can always tell I'm dreaming if people are polite, a girl remembers my name, or George Bush completes a full sentence.

In recent years there has been a distinct lack of research into what happens when people go to sleep at night, but Dr. Ralph Piffell from Oregon, USA, is determined to bring the matter into the public consciousness. The last heavily-funded study into the effects and meaning of inner dream life was in 1967 in Neuschwanstein, Germany. Unfortunately the study had to be called off as participants were found to be drowsy and close to nodding off. Dr. Piffell says that he dreams of the day they can do another in depth study. But he also admitted to dreaming of naked Albanian wind-surfers joining him for barbecues, so is fraught when it comes to deciding which dream to bring to life.

One of the main ways dreams are analysed is by looking closely at the meaning of symbols and objects within the visions witnessed during sleep. For example, if you dream about pasta, that is actually your subconscious desire for sexual activity in your life. However, if you find yourself dreaming about sex you are more than likely to wake up with an urge for penne pasta.

One of the most common concerns is that of the recurring nightmare. Throughout centuries the greatest minds have done their best to find ways to stop them. Only now are they realizing the simplest way of halting them, which is by not sleeping.

In summary, there is still much to learn about dreaming. The good news is that many myths are now being debunked. For many years people believed that to die in your dream meant that you would die in real life. It turns out this is true, but often the death does not happen until 50, sometimes 70 years later. Another key thing to remember when looking into dream interpretation, is that it is not completely accurate. For example, if you look up the meaning behind your dream about a piece of cheese; it is often difficult to tell exactly which type of cheese it was in the dream. This type of thing is of major importance, as dreaming of mature farmhouse cheddar cheese means you are coming to a new, positive stage in your life, whereas dreaming about moist blue cheese indicates you are likely to have limbs amputated if you ever travel to Scandinavia. It is for reasons like this that I strongly recommend only dreaming in supervised situations.

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