An Apple iPhone Conspiracy

My iPhone is getting remarkably slower as the days pass. I'm convinced this is a ploy by apple -- to make me buy a new iPhone.

I was always the type who'd get given some old phone and hold onto it until it broke. But when I saw the iPhone, I liked it. It seemed useful for me as a filmmaker. And it is. I'm always using the notepad app and I use a few other little useful things. Plus the email function is very important.I have an iPhone 3G. You know the one I mean; the old one. Old used to mean a guy with a cane who spoke of war stories. Now old means the same thing as new except it's called something different.

My iPhone is nearly empty. I'm not into games and stuff. Nothing is on it. Yet it's slowing, rapidly. And the few apps I do use stop updating after a while unless you update the iPhone software. So I upload the software.

But then my phone dramatically slows. My instinct is 'this is ridiculous' but everyone elses instincts seem to be 'get the newer iPhone.' It seems insane to me. This is how things go now. We replace and update things by necessity, because that's how it is. They've added a hundred onto the price of a new Xbox just because you can plug a few extra things in it.

My phone is the same thing it was two years ago, except it hardly works. I haven't damaged it, it's just what they do-- get us addicted and then slow things down so we need the new one. I am getting a bit conspiratorial in my old age; but I feel ripped off. I feel we're all ripped off, all the time, and we just fall for it. We buy shiny new things that should last for fifty years but they last for a year and then we're happy to move on. A guy said to me the other day, "I'm on my 4th Xbox 360". How can that NOT be insane? 

Why should I have to buy a new phone? I mean; I have to ----- it currently takes me two minutes just to read a text message. Something needs to be done. I hope someone out there believes my conspiracy theories otherwise they may indeed lock me up!

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Pass me a bottle, Mr Jones.

I was just deleting some notes from my iPhone. There's lots of film ideas that make no sense to me now, they say things like "man. fruit stall. Bosnia. woman in jeans. ending fire, confusion" - I have no idea what they mean. But I found this one note; and I wrote it when I first found the note function on my iPhone. And I kinda like it, so I thought I'd share it.

It's a bit naive, and cheesy. But then, I'm just a kid sitting in the front row, so I'm allowed to be naive and cheesy. Here, unedited - is the note from my iPhone.

"I want to write a screenplay about coming of age. I want to write about the difficult choices you make and how your choices define who you are. I want to write about how heartbreaking it is when people never find out how you feel. I want to write about the bittersweet pain of life. I want to write about how magic life can be.

I want to write about people who dream. I want to write about people who hang out all night. I want to write about people who are special. People who are magic. I want to write about beautiful girls. I want to write about friendship. About loyalty. About wisdom. About never giving up.

I want to write about how tough life can be and how it's almost not worth bothering. But more than all I want to write about why, without doubt, it is actually very, very worth living."

And that's all I have to say about that.

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