The Words She'd Written Took Me By Surprise

This has to be one of the most beautiful songs of all time -- and also one of the saddest.

The beginning of the song; he finds the girl's diary.

"I found your diary underneath the tree

And started reading about me

The words she'd written took me by surprise

You'd never read them in her eyes,

They said that she had found,

The love she'd waited for."

And wow; it's so beautiful. It really is. It's David Gates on vocals. An incredible voice - it just gets right into you. Hits you smack bang in the heart. It's not because of singing technique, it's not classes; it's soul and truth, right there; in a recording. He went there. Really went there.

It's the loveliest song about your one true love, of that moment when you realise she loves you.

But wait.

"I found your diary underneath the tree,

And started reading about me,

The words began to stick,

And tears to flow,

Her meaning now was clear to see,

The love she'd waited for was someone else not me."

"The love she'd waited for was someone else not me" -- isn't that the saddest line in the world?

Tragedy is awful. Makes the world stop. You don't leave your house for weeks. Anger is crazy; you go mad at the world. But the heartbreaks are different -- because nobody really sees them. You get up and go to work with a sunken heart. All the buildings carry the weight of a memory and all the people around you feel like ghosts. You're stuck inside the memory of a feeling you had and a person you loved -- and you think they loved you but it turns out it was someone else.

"The love she'd waited for was someone else not me" --- was there ever a sadder lyric? The way he sings it, too. In life you find love and then your life is figured out, but only if they love you back. Otherwise when they go off to the store for groceries or in their car on a road trip -- they're not thinking of you, not even close. They're thinking of that other guy. Ouch!

Bread captured that in a song.

Pure truth. Life. Heartache.

Reminds me of that Phil Collins line in 'One More Night';

"I've been sitting here so long wasting time, 

just staring at the phone. 

I was wondering should I call you,

And then I thought

Maybe you're not alone."

Ouch. You wanna call but then you realise, maybe they have someone else for company. Ouch ouch ouch isn't life just the most poignantly heartbreaking thing imaginable?

Nobody remembers Bread and nobody thinks Phil Collins is cool. But that's often the path for art when it's true. It misses out on the public consciousness or it gets adored secretly in the bedrooms of the broken-hearted.

That is art. That's the power we have. We can sit around coming up with ideas like "What if the baddie shoots the guy and then he steals all the money", but that's not what it's about. It's about the truth. About being brave enough to bleed all over the page. Put yourself out there. Of course, you need craft and you need a reason to do it -- but when it happens, woweeeee it's magic! And as depressing as it is talking about heartaches and breaks; I actually feel GOOD! Music is amazing like that. 

That's why I can't stop listening to 'Diary' at the moment. It's so real that you can't help but relate to it. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart; it's all to easy to repress anything that has feeling or fear and bury it when you're fifteen. Songs like 'Diary' take us back, even if only for three minutes. We remember what it is to be alive.

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Why People Quit: Heartbreak.

Most people around you see a career in film as if it's some kind of gameshow. Phrases like "You might get lucky!" and "Keep trying!" abound. But what most people don't realize is that, inside a passionate director's projects, or a young actresses desire to 'get noticed' - behind all of that is an extremely personal motivation. This is our destiny - this is what we are here to do.

When you spend five months making a short film with all the energy you have, when you move to another State to follow your acting, when you Produce a film for a festival - when you do all these things and the world DOESN'T accept your work. This is a big deal. This isn't just another chance to jump up and try again. There is something involved in failure which is different to losing a job, or losing money- and it is more in keeping with losing the love of your life. It is heartbreak. Utter heartbreak. You are sharing with people who you are: and they are not buying it.

Heart-break
(noun)
Overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment.

There is little consolation for this. But weirdly, we are all so protective of this. We don't let people know what it means to us. Missing out on your dream role, or dream festival, or anything of a similar nature -- in that moment you are missing out on your destiny. You are missing out on what you believe you are living for. Sometimes when you make a short film, you connect so incredibly with your cast and crew; and it becomes like a family. You make an incredibly personal and meaningful thing. The love that permeates this thing is then put out into the world in film festivals, on social networks, and through everyone you know. And sometimes, people don't get it. Not even that- sometimes what you create isn't very good. Everybody, at some point, says "this will be my best film," "this will be the year I make it," "this will be incredible." Sometimes it isn't. And you have put every thing you are into it.

This is part and parcel of working in this field. Everyone accepts that. Everyone quietly gets back to work and if you lose a bit of esteem someone throws a new-age 'be positive' book at you; and onwards you go. But wait--- there's heartbreak to be dealt with here. When you put all that you have emotionally, mentally and physically into creating and completing something creative - you are putting yourself at the mercy of everyone who will ever witness your art. And when they don't respond, that hurts.

A lot of people go through this but they all keep it so private. Actors are proud and defensive, director's want to appear confident and writers don't want to show how vulnerable they can be. As you get older, it gets harder. You gather your experience and your passion and your energy, and you throw it down into one basket and give it everything you've got. Occasionally, you make 'In Search Of A Midnight Kiss', but most of the time you don't.

And when it comes to that time when you look around, and wonder where you're going wrong and how you're going to stand up again-- you see the flames of the failed projects that line your past and you wonder if you'll ever make anything to rise above the mud. You look back to that project that was meant to change your life but sadly changed nothing. And you wonder how long you can go on deceiving yourself that you are a person with something to say, something to offer.

That's about as best as I can describe it.

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